Rest In Peace , HamHam.
Pronounced dead at 11.10 pm. 1 December 2008
I regret not spending more time with you. Sorry. You're not even 1 yr old yet you are gone. I didn't expect this day to come so soon. But at least i feel better, that i was able to be there for you while you were in pain , i suppose. I hope that you don't feel lonely till the end of your life. I am happy that you gave me some time before you departed from this world. I swear though I am not close to you, i am still devastated that you're gone. Though you're not close to me, i still cried for you. I just hoped that you experienced love that you did not have a chance to experience last time during your agony. I hope you did not feel lonely. I carried you, hoping you will feel better, knowing i am there for you till you leave, hoping you will get to experience love. I am sorry, you only got to experience it when it was almost your last breath. But i did not know you will be gone so fast. I thought i would have 1 more day with you. that was why after carrying you for 1hour+, i lay you back into your cage. How could you leave the world just as i put you down? Were you struggling to live as you did not want to die on me? Is that so? That's why you left the world after i lay you down? I am sorry. But i am happy that i got you buried, though it's not very well buried, i hope you will rest well and experience more love in your next life. & , i would also like to apologise to you, that you only got your name when you're not here. I just regret it. I should have gave you a name once you were born... But you only recieved it when you were gone. I am a very bad owner. I did not even record the date you and ur siblings entered this world... sorry. But i will always remember you. I will miss you , and your good personality, becuz you won't ever bite, you won't ever damage the cage. I hope you will meet your brother in hamster heaven and you won't be lonely again. I love you. I miss you. GoodBye baby.
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I dreamt of HamHam today. I dreamt she came back to life. How i wish the dream would come true. But it is only a dream. It isn't real. I guess i just miss her. She has taught me the vulnerability of life. She's still so young, not even 1 yr old. For one hour + , I was caring for her. Because i knew she would go soon. But din tink it as so soon. Just laying her down for less than 5 min , she's gone. I witnessed her death. How i wish i had carried her for a while longer. I wanted to be carrying her till her last breath but i tink she did not want it that way. I tink she was very sad and knew she was dying. she still crawled slowly at my arm. My life is full of regrets. If i could turn time back, i would have spent more time with her. How? i really miss her lots. i just can't stop tinking about her. I tink after hamu, kuaikuai and tiffany(not decided)? i will tink twice of raising hamsters. i don't wish to experience more deaths. It's really a sad thing. Ultimately, i don't want to experience the death of happy, or my family members. But i know i will, one day. i am afraid for that day to come...
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