Friday, February 11, 2011
Sometimes I really envy other families.
Seeing how close-knitted their ties are and the way they can talk and behave around each other without any invisible boundaries is something I wish I can have, too.
Well, at least I know my relationship with my sisters have improved.
Idk what caused me to be able to open up to them even more... I had always been a true cancerian who keep their truest feelings & darkest secrets beneath their shell. But hiding behind the hard & seemingly strong shell is an emotional and soft spirit. So... Since young, I was quite an introvert, in the sense that I'd still talk to you and stuff, but I wouldn't tell you my personal things. & Because of this bad-and-good characteristic of me, I did not have much friends... maybe because they find it hard to relate to me, or boring. ~.~
SO... Even when I'm in a super stressed condition, noone knows... I did not want to tell people about personal stuff, fearing that I may get backstabbed/gossiped about & I did not want an opportunity for that to happen. Through these years, I have concluded that I really have a pokerface that is hard to tear down. :/
However, recently, like since last year, I think I changed a little. Maybe it's because I did not want to continue such a life. Having no close friends that would care for me and such, I feel so pathetic. I don't want to just be all alone, fretting over what I should do alone, all such. I found no meaning in life, just working, studying and sleeping without a social life. I would often think (in the past ) that there's no need for me to living.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not wallowing in self-pity right now.
But now, I'm working hard on improving my relationships with my friends and sisters. With a more social life, I realize I became less pessimistic & life ain't that fkedup as I thought it to be as a result.
¶ 5:23 PM 
Seeing how close-knitted their ties are and the way they can talk and behave around each other without any invisible boundaries is something I wish I can have, too.
Well, at least I know my relationship with my sisters have improved.
Idk what caused me to be able to open up to them even more... I had always been a true cancerian who keep their truest feelings & darkest secrets beneath their shell. But hiding behind the hard & seemingly strong shell is an emotional and soft spirit. So... Since young, I was quite an introvert, in the sense that I'd still talk to you and stuff, but I wouldn't tell you my personal things. & Because of this bad-and-good characteristic of me, I did not have much friends... maybe because they find it hard to relate to me, or boring. ~.~
SO... Even when I'm in a super stressed condition, noone knows... I did not want to tell people about personal stuff, fearing that I may get backstabbed/gossiped about & I did not want an opportunity for that to happen. Through these years, I have concluded that I really have a pokerface that is hard to tear down. :/
However, recently, like since last year, I think I changed a little. Maybe it's because I did not want to continue such a life. Having no close friends that would care for me and such, I feel so pathetic. I don't want to just be all alone, fretting over what I should do alone, all such. I found no meaning in life, just working, studying and sleeping without a social life. I would often think (in the past ) that there's no need for me to living.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not wallowing in self-pity right now.
But now, I'm working hard on improving my relationships with my friends and sisters. With a more social life, I realize I became less pessimistic & life ain't that fkedup as I thought it to be as a result.
