♥ Linlin-memories
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Attachment is important.
Recently, my grandma collapsed and was sent to the hospital.
Her case was classified as "serious" and even if she were to wake up, she would be half-paralyzed. This is irreversible.
I received a sms from my dad regarding it that morning (I was in sch). But somehow... I didn't feel the sense of fear(that she may leave us) one should feel... It was like just... A stranger whom was of no concern to me. :/
That day, along with my sisters, I went to the hospital to visit her. I think it was last friday...?
She was lying unconscious on the hospital bed, with tubes poking through her skin. Upon seeing her, 1 of my cousin's eyes had tears rimming @ her eyes (though she did not let it flow, I could see that she wanted to cry)... The difference was that my sister and I didn't feel that sad to the extent our tears would automatically form.
I thought that I was getting heartless because I did not feel that much... But maybe it's also because I don't have any sense of attachment to my grandma...? & I didn't have much good thoughts about her while she's well...? :/ I would prefer to believe it's the latter...
¶ 2:34 PM 0 Comments
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sometimes I really envy other families.
Seeing how close-knitted their ties are and the way they can talk and behave around each other without any invisible boundaries is something I wish I can have, too.
Well, at least I know my relationship with my sisters have improved.
Idk what caused me to be able to open up to them even more... I had always been a true cancerian who keep their truest feelings & darkest secrets beneath their shell. But hiding behind the hard & seemingly strong shell is an emotional and soft spirit. So... Since young, I was quite an introvert, in the sense that I'd still talk to you and stuff, but I wouldn't tell you my personal things. & Because of this bad-and-good characteristic of me, I did not have much friends... maybe because they find it hard to relate to me, or boring. ~.~
SO... Even when I'm in a super stressed condition, noone knows... I did not want to tell people about personal stuff, fearing that I may get backstabbed/gossiped about & I did not want an opportunity for that to happen. Through these years, I have concluded that I really have a pokerface that is hard to tear down. :/
However, recently, like since last year, I think I changed a little. Maybe it's because I did not want to continue such a life. Having no close friends that would care for me and such, I feel so pathetic. I don't want to just be all alone, fretting over what I should do alone, all such. I found no meaning in life, just working, studying and sleeping without a social life. I would often think (in the past ) that there's no need for me to living.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not wallowing in self-pity right now.
But now, I'm working hard on improving my relationships with my friends and sisters. With a more social life, I realize I became less pessimistic & life ain't that fkedup as I thought it to be as a result.
¶ 5:23 PM 0 Comments
Seeing how close-knitted their ties are and the way they can talk and behave around each other without any invisible boundaries is something I wish I can have, too.
Well, at least I know my relationship with my sisters have improved.
Idk what caused me to be able to open up to them even more... I had always been a true cancerian who keep their truest feelings & darkest secrets beneath their shell. But hiding behind the hard & seemingly strong shell is an emotional and soft spirit. So... Since young, I was quite an introvert, in the sense that I'd still talk to you and stuff, but I wouldn't tell you my personal things. & Because of this bad-and-good characteristic of me, I did not have much friends... maybe because they find it hard to relate to me, or boring. ~.~
SO... Even when I'm in a super stressed condition, noone knows... I did not want to tell people about personal stuff, fearing that I may get backstabbed/gossiped about & I did not want an opportunity for that to happen. Through these years, I have concluded that I really have a pokerface that is hard to tear down. :/
However, recently, like since last year, I think I changed a little. Maybe it's because I did not want to continue such a life. Having no close friends that would care for me and such, I feel so pathetic. I don't want to just be all alone, fretting over what I should do alone, all such. I found no meaning in life, just working, studying and sleeping without a social life. I would often think (in the past ) that there's no need for me to living.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not wallowing in self-pity right now.
But now, I'm working hard on improving my relationships with my friends and sisters. With a more social life, I realize I became less pessimistic & life ain't that fkedup as I thought it to be as a result.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Chinese New Year
Happy Chinese New Year Everyone! :D
I hope everyone received lots of angbows!
I hope I will receive even more! :p hehe.
Just before the CNYs, I was busy doing my last minute shopping for clothesss!
It had been quite fruitful... But my money depleted very fast during that 2 shopping days. hahaha.
Anyway... for the 1st day of cny, relatives came to our house. "even though it's our house, we feel so awkward to go out (to the living room)," as quoted from charlene. LOL. Had a... "formal" gathering with no gambling...,not much noise..., in my house... After that, I took a nap bcos srsly, bth. LOL. Woke up, ate fried rice & soon after, left for my waipo's house. LOL. Ate again, and rest there. We had an unexpected visitor - Miss Cat, that day. Shall post up the pict 1 day . :p
After that, Eileen n me went to Yujie's house... Qi fen gao gao wor~ I only start to feel the chinesenewyear festives when I reached his house LOLS. Smoke in the house...lively&noisy....and crowd... Lol. We tried our luck in Banluck. Weehee, lady's luck smiling upon us. We won some money. Hahaha, even though I placed small bets always, (50c/round), I managed to win about $25 ^^. (Should have placed more) LMAO. Yuyang sent us home @ about 2am and we retired to bed, shagged.
Next day, Eileen was being a nuaster, and I went to YJ's house myself. Hhahaha. This time... not so lucky alr ): . Initially, I kept losing money. Tsk. Like about $8. But I persevered & continued. By the time, deduct + add, add + deduct dao lai, I managed to gain by $5. Yu Yang was damn damn lucky ytd. LOL ):! He kept winning money as the banker... by the time we ended, he won a grand total of $88 exactly! Wadthehell. Is like.. lucky number only... Oh yea, the funny thing was also, Yujie & serena was like winning so much money initially, once i shuffled his cards, LOL... 2 people got Ace x2. So he had to pay them thrice as much. & that rnd, he lost almost everyone? & ALL HIS WINNINGS LOST DIAO. LOL. I think i brought him unluckiness. :x I only wanted to win for myself. mei xiang dao, the 2ace go to other people ): HAHAHA.
Anyway, today, the 3rd day..., I'm here working now... & Later I will be meeting the fandomfriends for kboxxxxxxx. ehehehhee ^^
Picture koped from sista's bloggie ^^
CNY'S picture!
Ciao! ^^ ¶ 12:25 PM 0 Comments
I hope everyone received lots of angbows!
I hope I will receive even more! :p hehe.
Just before the CNYs, I was busy doing my last minute shopping for clothesss!
It had been quite fruitful... But my money depleted very fast during that 2 shopping days. hahaha.
Anyway... for the 1st day of cny, relatives came to our house. "even though it's our house, we feel so awkward to go out (to the living room)," as quoted from charlene. LOL. Had a... "formal" gathering with no gambling...,not much noise..., in my house... After that, I took a nap bcos srsly, bth. LOL. Woke up, ate fried rice & soon after, left for my waipo's house. LOL. Ate again, and rest there. We had an unexpected visitor - Miss Cat, that day. Shall post up the pict 1 day . :p
After that, Eileen n me went to Yujie's house... Qi fen gao gao wor~ I only start to feel the chinesenewyear festives when I reached his house LOLS. Smoke in the house...lively&noisy....and crowd... Lol. We tried our luck in Banluck. Weehee, lady's luck smiling upon us. We won some money. Hahaha, even though I placed small bets always, (50c/round), I managed to win about $25 ^^. (Should have placed more) LMAO. Yuyang sent us home @ about 2am and we retired to bed, shagged.
Next day, Eileen was being a nuaster, and I went to YJ's house myself. Hhahaha. This time... not so lucky alr ): . Initially, I kept losing money. Tsk. Like about $8. But I persevered & continued. By the time, deduct + add, add + deduct dao lai, I managed to gain by $5. Yu Yang was damn damn lucky ytd. LOL ):! He kept winning money as the banker... by the time we ended, he won a grand total of $88 exactly! Wadthehell. Is like.. lucky number only... Oh yea, the funny thing was also, Yujie & serena was like winning so much money initially, once i shuffled his cards, LOL... 2 people got Ace x2. So he had to pay them thrice as much. & that rnd, he lost almost everyone? & ALL HIS WINNINGS LOST DIAO. LOL. I think i brought him unluckiness. :x I only wanted to win for myself. mei xiang dao, the 2ace go to other people ): HAHAHA.
Anyway, today, the 3rd day..., I'm here working now... & Later I will be meeting the fandomfriends for kboxxxxxxx. ehehehhee ^^
Picture koped from sista's bloggie ^^
CNY'S picture!
Ciao! ^^ ¶ 12:25 PM 0 Comments
